taptap

Life likes to slap me in the head and kick dirt in my face.
It mocks my very existence and humiliates what’s left of my tiny ego.
Then it likes to kick dirt at my face again.
Just to be sure.
Cause in life, you MUST always double tap.

Failure to do so will result in the above stated outcome.
Check and re-check everything you do and the decisions you are about to make.

Ahhh~
Treacherous sweet life.

For me, life is like a game, a battlefield of sorts.
One that you have to win or face total elimination.
But sometimes I get ever so lazy and just watch as the pieces lose its course.

One must always remember, you can’t please everyone.
Like a board of chess, sacrifices have to be made in order to win the game. Or perhaps this is what comforts me when I face disagreements with people. We all have to get by somehow… right?

Sometimes I wonder if everything we do is planned out, is fated.
Just like some sort of crappy RPG that whatever you do, only leads to one pathetic outcome of the story. There are no options, no chances to “save your world”. Unlike a multiple-choice question; if you pick (A), proceed to problem 4. Or is it like a better RPG game, doing this action reaps you these results?

What are these instances of dejavus?
I see mine mostly in dreams I don’t remember. I know this cause I wake up and go, “Ha! As if this will happen, I’ll never do that and I don’t know these people!” Said situation then follows years later and some of it don’t make sense.
 
Like yesterday I had a dejavu when my colleague walked behind me, complaining about something while I was flipping through the papers. I could strongly recall the scene in my dream. Exact page, exact pictures and exact scenario. But before the dejavu, I won’t remember a thing. What does that mean? Have I reached a “check-point” of my destiny and the flashbacks verifies it? Would doing something different and abnormal alter it?

Once in Shanghai my elder brother and I had the SAME dejavu situation. It kinda freaked me out and it was all centered around an innocent bottle of our favourite Japanese milk tea. I had a tingly bad feeling that if he drank that bottle of milk tea, something bad would happen but I didn’t tell him my thoughts and just let it slip by, thinking I was overly paranoid but he later offered the whole bottle to me, asking me to drink it. I declined saying I felt bad vibes about it (that and it was too early in the morning for milk tea, I prefer milk or water). My brother was surprised and said he felt something was bad too. A dream or dejavu told him that. Something bad will happen if he drinks it, we would get into a fight then it clicked. I had a vague memory of the same room and we were annoyed at each other.

In the end, we discarded the $4 bottle away but the whole situation freaked me. And many questions lingered in my mind: Were we supposed to drink it or not? Could one innocent bottle change the course of our lives? If we drank it, would we really have fought (Yes fight, cause we are violent siblings like that)? What if we drank it and something good happened and we just missed it? Why were we shown images of our future anyway? What was the purpose of it all?

I wish life had a series of functions. A pause, play, forward, rewind and my favourite, SAVE and LOAD in multiple slots just to see what the different outcomes reveal, if there were different outcomes in the first place.

Whatever is the outcome of my fate on Earth, I’m just thankful that I’m here right now at this very moment, alive and breathing. Embracing the little things in life like wild flowers on the side walk and the blue sky with cotton candy clouds. The howling rain, children’s giggles the sound of waterfalls.

I once heard a phrase from a movie and it was stuck in my head since; being alive right now, is a gift from God, that’s why it’s called “present”. In prayers, I thank the Lord for my very being, friends, family and the little gifts he places in front of me.

I want to try to make the best out of the short existence I have on Earth but it’s getting tedious to tell myself that. I don’t do my best in school, for example. Sometimes I think I need a motivational poster HAHA! (Kidding. Don’t every get me one!)

Didn’t think my musings would be thattttt long but I guess work is getting to me. Sitting in front of the screen, surfing the net on a crappy computer and not being able to watch videos is ticking me off. I can’t wait for work to end!

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