Archive for frustrations

before gaga

Before Gaga talked about being different… there was Pink… (=3=)

Had so much fun singing (more like yelling and jumping during the chorus) this during KTV keke.
Loved her ever since listening to “don’t let me get me” <3

Anyways KTV was a “farewell gathering” for my supervisor and bossu~ (T^T)
And man, I love advertising people srsly.
No walls up, just go wild. That’s how partying / ktv-ing should be.
Hate it when I’m like the only one who wants to headbang to rock songs or jump around!
Why so serious hey!

Would love to go on a roadtrip while blasting music and being all crazy in the car!
Keke !

Anyways a lot of shit happened during these past week, but I’m really thankful for Kymmie and my bros!
Thanks for being there always! (=3=)/

I’m seriously thinking of looking at other options right now… life likes to mock me. I end up liking issues/ things I didn’t like in the beginning. FML!

But ever since my elder bro talked to me, I’m seriously considering that option due to all the shit I’m getting now. But I don’t wanna get away yet coz of my pooch :(

I’m gonna see how :///

Things are not looking up at work. I thought I had a glimmer of hope but that hope has recently been distinguished.

OH… FUCK IT ALL~

I’m gonna just wait it out for another month and think about my options :/

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ARGH

I’m so fucking upset with myself, words cannot even describe it :(
I actually had a slot for driving on tuesday but somehow I had the impression I didn’t.
Don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me seriously.

I’m already stressing myself trying to book all the slots before I start work but my own stupidity mocks me.

FUCK.

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IT’S ANOTHER VOCALOID POST

When I’m really bored, I’ll add a new category on my blog just for vocaloids haha.
They take up too much of my posts haha.

Clear’s voice = so awesome!

Anyways!
I’m in the school lab now because I crushed my dongle (the USB device I use to connect to the internet)
I’m like bloody pissed at myself.
Cause I was on my bed tossing and turning, and decided “fuck that light is really annoying hey” (light on my laptop charger connected to my laptop), so I moved to unplug it…
and..

the most stupid thing happened…

Malice (my laptop’s name) dropped to the fucking floor!

Thank gawd it was carpeted floor. So Malice was thankfully safe.
I switched it on and it was a blank black screen with the hand mouse thingum and I freaked.
I turned it off and on and started saying nonsense like “Be good Malice, come on baby, Mummy loves you! Come on honey!” and it was like my laptop fell in love with me and started up right.

PHEW.

But my dongle is like crushed pretty darn badly.
Damn thing won’t work, nor be forced back into it’s original form.

On the bright side, it’s ok, it’s just $100+ to replace it?
If dongle was ok and laptop was not = FML SRSLY.

So I should be thankful, or so, I keep telling myself but it annoys me to spend money on silly things, esp since I’m gonna grad.
Kels was saying I could get my SIM card out, I can use someone else’s dongle and it will work cause we have friends who arent using it anymore but when I think about it, is that gold shit the SIM card thing? Coz if it is, IM SCREWED.

Oh good bye $180? (i think)
*Facepalm*

So thats something “interesting” I guess haha.
I had a more exciting week (compared to the week before where all I did was work) actually, but I’m too lazy to upload the pics from iPhone.. so (=_=)||

My mum complained that my FB is so boring cause I didn’t upload any pictures.
I told her I was studying, and she told me to take a picture of me studying.. .WTF?
Haha.

According to my mum, my dad planned what/where he’s going to bring me to makan for the week haha.
I touch down like bloody early in the morning, but he wants to bring me to causarina prata for breakfast haha. *touched*
I thought we could get drive-thru maccas and go back home to zzz. haha

CAN’T WAIT TO HUG MY LOVABLE DOG.
I MISS HIM LIKE CRAZY.
SILLY DOG BETTER MISS ME TOO >( Hahaha.
He’s gonna take 2098492842 pics with me whether he likes it or not (…he doesnt like pictures)

P.S If the password to the previous post is the name of one of my dolls that Cupid and Sandra and Jie Qi likes. Esp Cupid. Big hint? Y/N haha. Also capital first letter!  It’s BJD related! Sandra, WE SO NEED TO GOSSIP haha.

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a dream within a dream within a dream

I hate that.
Maybe that’s why I take so long to fall asleep.
Afraid of what’s reality and what isn’t

I get that often these days, it’s annoying the crap outta me.
Last night, it was hella hazy for me, but everything felt so real.
I stop and then go, “Wait this is a dream, it has to be, because I wasn’t doing this before” and then something just tells me “No, a while ago that was a dream, now this is real” and I believe in it cause something’s got me so distracted.  I step into another dream once again.
A never-ending cycle until I don’t know what’s real anymore when I sleep.
If we are gonna be all “inception-like” and talk about levels, it was about 4-5 different levels/ dreams for me.

I woke up today feeling so confused and disorientated.
Really hate that feeling.

I dreamt of someone today, someone I could hold, but it wasn’t that someone I dreamt about before.
Dear treacherous mind, let’s not confuse and torture ourselves any further.

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SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m not a happy camper.

Which is weird too, because I’m not PMSing or anything but I feel so blah these days.

PFTTT.

Edit: I found the reason. The reason being REGRET.

When I was younger, I used to love watching WWF (not called WWE) and I adored the Hardy boys and Lisa.
They were my favourite team and Jeff Hardy’s motto was “live for the moment”
I used to always say that but I come to realise I never did anything in particular to “live for the moment”.

I don’t know why I don’t like taking risks, perhaps I always hate the whole regretting moments that follows shortly after.
We should be able to do something and go “FUCK WE SCREWED UP” and not look back at it further.
I wonder why I can’t seem to do that.

All my worries seem really little right now though, I shouldn’t be moping around like some sad fuck, but I can’t help it when I over-think.

I hate making bad decisions or actions.
I wish I could forget that.

I should really immerse myself into something.. maybe I’ll start writing again but I’ll feel like a bigger naru-tard who doesn’t even read/watch the manga/anime.

If I could take these feelings out of my chest, shove them into a box and watch it burn, I’ld be happy.
But it’s feelings and emotions that make us human, isn’t it?
Makes us stronger and better people.

….

……

At least that’s what I tell myself in order to move forward and build a thicker skin.

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